SOLF:The Sequel!
by Michicko
Summary: Foes of Jenny Penny Hess, BEWARE! For she has...(dun dun dunn!) THE ONE RING! Be prepared for extreme Jell-Oness. The human race is so totally DOOMED.
1. How it all Began

Disclaimer: I don't own the LOTR, POTC, or HP characters, BEOTCH.

A/N: YES! A sequel to S.O.L.F.! HAHA! You will laugh, you might cry...but I doubt it. You'll probably just laugh. Or think this is stupid. But if you think this story is stupid, I'll beat you up.

Summary: Foes of Jenny Penny Hess, BEWARE. For she has...(dun dun dunnn!) THE ONE RING! The human race is so totally DOOMED. (Sequel to S.O.L.F.!)

Chapter One: How it all began...

Adrienne, Draco, Jenny Penny, Ron, Hermione, and that kid with the scar are watching the Return of the King at Adrienne's house. Well, more like Jenny Penny, Ron, Hermione, and Boy W/ Scar are watching the movie.

Adrienne and Draco were making out. (What a surprise...)

"Gah, this movie is SOOOOOOO long." Jenny Penny said. It was close to the end of the movie, the part where Frodo is being dumb and won't throw the Ring into the fire. "I never really liked Frodo..." Jenny threw a cheese nip at the screen...and it went through the screen and hit Frodo in the head. Frodo looked around, but couldn't find out where the flying cheese nip came from.

"WHOA." Jenny Penny said. Her eyes were as big as... big things.

That sounded very wrong. But I'm not going to delete it as it makes me laugh.

Back to the story...

Jenny threw a pencil...and hit Frodo in the head. "THIS IS SOOO AWESOME!" Frodo, looking very scared, picked up the pencil and threw it at the screen. It bounced off the screen and hit him.

Jenny Penny kept throwing things at the screen, like a book, a Star Wars action figure, and some pointy objects. Frodo and Sam, (who had reappeared for the sequel) looked very confused.

"What's going on?" Frodo asked.

"I don't know...wait a minute...a cheese nip? And a dictionary?" Sam's eyes widen in horror, and he might've just peed his pants. "LORD NELSON"S PANTALOONS! IT'S S.O.L.F. ALL OVER AGAIN!" Frodo dropped to his knees and began to cry.

"Hey Jenny Penny, try to stick your hand in there." Adrienne suggested.

"Okay." Jenny sat in front of screen. She went to touch the screen, but her hand went right through it. Sam shrieked like a girly.

"Mr. Frodo! There's a floating hand by your head!"

"Wow. Don't see that every day..." Frodo stood up and examined the hand. "A Shrek 2 Donkey watch? It's Jenny Penny!"

All of a sudden, Jenny heard an eerie voice in her head.

"Jenny Penny...take the ring..."

"Hey I know who you are!" Jenny said, "You're that big evil dude from Lord of the Rings!"

"NO I'M NOT!" the voice-who-sounded-like-Sauron said, "I'm...uh...Kurt Cobain!"

"DUDE. NO FREAKIN WAY." Jenny Penny said in disbelief. She is a huge Nirvana fan.

"Totally. Just take the ring...dude."

"Okay!" Jenny Penny snatched the rig from Frodo's hand and pulled her hand out of Middle-Earth. "Hey, this is a pretty neat ring..." Jenny took the ring off the chain.

"DON'T PUT IT ON!" Everyone else said in unison.

But they were too late.

Jenny Penny was invisible.

She just DISAPPEARED...

...into thin air...

"Oh crap." Adrienne said. Surprisingly, she wasn't making out with Draco.

"WHOA. I'm invisible!" Jenny Penny did a dance. But no one could see it. Cause she was invisible.

"JENNY! That ring is evil, take it off!" Hemione demanded.

"FINE." Jenny reappeared, looking mad. "It makes me feel so powerful..."

"Give Frodo the ring back." Adrienne said.

"Finder's Keepers!" Jenny cackled evilly and did a dance. The song "I've got the Power" came on and Jenny Penny tore up the dance floor.

"Give Frodo the freakin' Ring!!!" Adrienne demanded.

"Don't listen to them Jenny!" said the freaky voice.

"NO!" Jenny screamed, "THE RING IS MINE!!!!!!!!!!!" And then Jenny put the ring on again. She ran out the door and onto the street.

"Holy crap and a half." Adrienne said dully. "The human race is so totally doomed."

"Wait..." Ron spoke for the first time, "What's going on?"

"Ron you complete IDIOT." Hermione said. No, Ron isn't half of an idiot, he's a complete idiot. "Don't you pay attention to anything?!"

"Uhh...no."

"Sauron is going to use Jenny to take over the world!!"

"OH. Well, what're we waiting for?" Ron asked, "Let's go save the school- I mean world!"

"Ok."

"Omigah Omigah Omigah Omigah Omigah Omigah Omigah Omigah Omigah!" Frodo repeated over and over until Sam slapped him. "JENNY TOOK THE RING, SAM! I have the right to freak out!"

"Yes, well we have to go and get it back!"

"NO WAY IN HELL. I am NOT going back..._there_."

"Oh, yes you are!" Sam said, "If you don't, Middle –Earth will be doomed, and there wouldn't be a story."

"You are soldiers of Gondor!" Gandalf encouraged, "No matter what comes through that gate, you will stand your ground!!" Just then HUGE cave trolls break through the gate, and the had spiky hammer thingers.

"Oh sh---." Gandalf muttered. He had learned some new vocab after the S.O.L.F. experience. "VOLLEY! FIRE!" Gandalf screamed. It didn't really help, as a lot orcs came through the gate. "We are so screwed."

Then, the oddest thing happened...

"TIME OUT!!!" someone yelled over all the battle cries. The orcs stopped their siege for the moment.

It was Frodo and Sam.

"Oh, crap." Gandalf smacked his forehead.

Aragorn led the way through the cave, with Gimli, Legolas and, of course, Diana in tow.

"This is SO awesome!!" Diana said. Aragorn turned around and stared at her.

"This is NOT awesome. This is the complete opposite of awesome! The fate of Middle-Earth depends on us!"

"Whoa. Calm down. You have a lot of pent up anger." Aragorn sighed and continued on. Legolas patted her on the head. Which made her swoon.

"Who enters my domain?" The King of the Dead had appeared...

...came out of nowhere...

Well, he should since he's a ghost.

"One who will have your allegiance!" Aragorn and Diana said unison. The four of them gave her odd looks.

"What? I've memorized the movie." Gimli shook his head.

"Uh...The dead do not suffer the living to pass."

"You will suffer me!"

A whistling noise was heard, and they turned to find Gandalf, Frodo, Sam, and Pippin, who decided to come along.

"What the crap are you guys doing here?" Diana asked, "You're not supposed to be seen until the end of this scene!"

"We have problems."

"Yo ho, Yo ho a pirates life for me!" Jack and Hayley sang.

"This is so cool beyond the boundaries of coolness." Hayley said.

"Whatever you say, luv." Jack replied. "More Rum?"

"Sure!" Hayley said. As if she wasn't drunk enough, she saw Diana, Legolas, Aragorn, Gimli, Merry, Pippin, Frodo, Sam, and Gandalf, aboard the _Black Pearl_. "Whoa, I'm SO wasted..."

"What're you guys doing here?" Jack asked.

"We, well, more like Frodo, lost the One Ring." Gandalf said.

"I didn't lose it!" Frodo said, "Your stupid friend Jenny took it from me!"

"HEY!" Hayley said, swaying drunkenly towards the hobbit. "Jenny's not stupid! She just has blonde moments some times..."

"Anyways," Aragorn said, "We need help getting it back!"

"Are you in?" Pippin asked.

"Why not?" Jack said.

"Good. Now all we have to do is get back to Pennsylvania."

"Ok..." Merry said, "But how?" Just then, they all realized that they were at Adrienne's house.

"We've got serious problems." Hermione said.

"We know...where's Adrienne?" Hermione pointed to the couch, where Adrienne and Draco were totally making out.

"Hmmrgh frmmk ghrmm."

"Adrienne," Diana said, "It's kinda hard to understand what you're saying when you're kissing Draco."

"Jenny Penny took the Ring!" Adrienne said, then went back to making out with Draco.

"We know, we just don't know what to do." Sam said.

"Hey," Kid-with-scar interrupted, "Didn't you disappear?"

"I came back for the sequel."

"Oh."

"Anyways," Diana said, "I know what to do! I'll call the S.O.L.F. gang!"

Legolas cringed.

A/N: Will the S.O.L.F. members help out? What will Jenny Penny Do with the Ring? And where exactly did Sam disappear to? Find out in the next chapter!

Oh, and I suggest reading the fanfic, The Most Ultimate Ranfic Ever! By Liliana Kavanagh Aurum. It's a companion story to S.O.L.F. It is quite funny.


	2. SOLF Gone Wrong

Disclaimer: I do not own the LOTR, POTC, or HP characters.

Chapter 2: S.O.L.F. Gone Wrong

"Katherine? Tis I, Diana. We have a problem. Jenny Penny ran off with the Ring...WHAT?!....Why?...I cant believe this...Oh, yeah, like thats a good reason...pfft...FINE. BYE."

"What the crap was that about?" said Ron.

"Jenny Penny has turned S.O.L.F. against me!!!!!!"

"HAHA You have no friends!!! That makes me giggle, that's my girl!" said Ron. Jenny smacked him upside the head. But in a nice way.

"You are so stupid." Diana said, "I have other have other friends, ya know."

"Who?"

"Um...." Diana thought long and hard, "Amanda, Candi, Michelle, Lydia, Anne, Miriam...the list goes on and on."

"Well I guess we should go find Jenny Penny before she destroys the world!" said Adrienne

"If we have to." Said Pippin.

"Well have to call in the recruits..."

Meanwhile....

"MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Jenny laughed manically, AHAHAHAHAHA...HA... okay, Ill shut up.

The crowd cheered and cheered and cheered!!!

And Jenny turned them into Jell-O. The gross flavor, that is.

Meanwhile back Adrienne's house...

"Alright people this is the Homestarmy and this is going to be critical mission!! It will be hard, it will be painful, and it will be funny to watch, but it's just a thing we gotta do." Said Homestar. He had a bowl on his head and a spoon in his hand, as did all the others. "and there is no PDA allowed!" Adrienne stared to cry and Diana cursed under her breath.

"Alright lets MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!" Screamed Homestar, "Company HALT! Backwards MARCH!" And they marched backwards out the door.

"I can't believe I can't make out with Draco until we find stupid Jenny Penny and save the world from her destruction." said Adrienne

"Oh well my dear at least we can talk to each other and learn more about each other... like for instants, What's your name?" asked Draco.

"Oh umm...." as she stared into his big dreamy eyes "umm... I can't quite remember!" said Adrienne.

"IT'S ADRIENNE!" screamed everyone that was trying to pay attention to Homestar Runner's instructions.

"Oh yeah, I forgot." laughed Adrienne.

"ALL WILL BOW DOWN TO ME!!!" Jenny cried, walking through the Halls of Warwick High School. The S.O.L.F. members followed, even though Katherine, Jenna, and Jen H. were in Middle School.

They sat down in Science class, Jenny sitting directly in the middle of the class, her minions sitting in the seats surrounding her. The rest of the class was giving the group odd looks.

The teacher, Mr. Bond, walked in and sat down at his desk.

"Hello class, today we will be-" He FINALLY noticed the extra students. "Uh, I think you four may have to leave."

"NEVER!" Hanna, Jen H., Jenna, and Katherine said.

"They're with me, dude." Jenny said.

"I don't care who they're 'with', they have to leave."

"NO." Jenny said firmly.

"Fine, I'll just have to notify the principle."

Jenny snapped her fingers, and MR. Bond turned into Jell-O. Everyone in the class cheered, as Mr. Bond is kinda freaky.

"SILENCE!" Jenny Penny boomed, "I will be taking over this school!" she laughed like a loon, "First the school, then the tri-county are! Bwhahahahahahahaha!"

"Why the tri county area?" Student numbah 8 asked, "Why not the world?"

"Hmmm..." Jenny thought this out, "If I am to take over the world, I'll need more minions...Who wants to join me?"

Nobody answered.

"FINE. Be that way! I'll just have to do this!"

Jenny Penny sneezed and all the students in the room were doomed forever to pick their nose.

"MUAHAHAHHAHHAAAHA...guys, laugh evilly!"

"MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Do you hear that?" Legolas asked, "People are laughing like loons..."

"Hun," Diana said, "Not all of us have elvish hearing."

"Oh. Right. Well, it's coming from that way!!!"

"LET'S MOVE! Do you has what it takes to be a part of the Homestarmy? Will you bring me a sack lunch and some orange and serve your countries?! WILL YOU, STUPID?!?!" Homestar yelled in Pippin's face.

"Uh..no."

"Oh, a draft-dodger eh? Well, let's see if those trees you're a-huggin will save you when Gordon Lightfoot creeping around your backyard! TEN HUT! BACKWARDS MARCH!"

So they continued to march backwards.

"Who the crap is Gordon Lightfoot?" Merry asked.

"You don't know who Gordon Lightfoot is?!" Pippin said. Merry shook his head, "Oh. Okay. I don't know who he is either."

"Hey guys!" Candi, Michelle, Amanda, Anne, Lydia, and Miriam were walking down the street, eating ice cream.

"I WANT ICE CREAM!!!!" Aragorn cried. No one dared to call him...that name.

But that didn't mean we didn't upset him.

"You know," Hermione started, "You are very selfish. Maybe the rest of us want ice cream, but you can only think of youself."

"Shut up." Hermione stepped on his foot. "OW!! What was that for?!"

"For being mean."

"So what's going on?" Amanda asked, "I thought they all went back home."

"Well, it's a long story..."

"COMPANY HALT!" Homestar shouted.

"Well, it looks like you've called in the recruits..."

"JENNY PENNY!" they all shouted in unison. Jenny and her new 'crew' had gotten uniforms. Jeans and a Nirvana shirt. What a surprise.

"Yes, 'tis I!" she said, "And I have come to give you a choice..."

"Oh boy."

"JOIN ME! And be all powerful!"

"And if we don't?" Frodo asked.

"Then be prepared to suffer!" Jenny snapped her fingers, and a jet of yellow light made it's way towards the hobbit, but Jack pulled him out of the way at the last second, so the fire hydrant that stood behind Frodo turned into Jell-O.

"You got lucky this time!" Jenny said, and snapped her fingers. She and the former S.O.L.F. members disappeared.

They just disappeared...

...into thin air...

Teehee!!

"Oh, gah." Diana said, "Jenny can get a little annoying sometimes."

"Yeah." Gandalf agreed.

"Hey, wait a minute...something's not right..." Everyone looked at Draco and Adrienne.

They weren't making out!!!

O.O

"Whoa...you guys aren't making out!" Michelle said.

"Oh, you're right!" Draco said, and proceeded to make out with Adrienne.

"Okay, now things are right with the world."

"HEY YOU MAGGOTS!" Homestar shouted, "I SAID NO PDA!!!!!!"

A/N: the whole conversation between Homestar and Pippin was actually taken from the army email from I didn't think of it, I just thought it would be funny to put in the story.


	3. SONF?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything or anyone, except those crazy people I call my friends. Well I don't _own _them, they own themselves. So basically, I don't really own anything in this story. Except for my character.

Chapter 3: S.O.N.F?

"Well, what're we gonna do now?" Merry asked, eating his carrot.

"Hmm..." Diana thought, "Let's go back to my house, for we need to think of a plan of action."

"Sounds good to me." Hayley said,

So they all traipsed back to Diana's house to think of a plan of action.

Rahr.

"Okay," said Amanda, taking over the...situation, "We don't know where Jenny is, so we should split up and try-"

"Hey!" Hayley shouted, "Jenny's online!" Everyone raced over to the computer to see if it was true, and it was.

**S.O.N.F:** HahHA! U will never escap the wrath of...dun dun dunnnn...JENNY PENNY!

**LadyPirate614:** you spelled escape wrong.

**S.O.N.F:** Crap...o well. Once I take over the world, I will change the spelling of escape.

**LadyPirate614:** Ok. What does S.O.N.F stand for?

**S.O.N.F:** Stalking Obsessive Nirvana Fanpeople.

**LadyPirate614:** Uh...

**S.O.N.F.** I COULDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE!!!!!!!!!

**LadyPirate614:** right...where are you?

**S.O.N.F:** I'll never tell u!

**LadyPirate614:** Oh. Well that's okay, we just found out where you are. You're in Weis, eating the Jell-O.

**S.O.N.F:** Crap.

**S.O.N.F has signed off at 3:17:24.**

"Well, if Jenny was smart, she wouldn't stay at Weis." Hayley said, shutting the computer off.

"Yeah, IF she was smart."

"Anyways," Hermione said, "We need a plan of action..." They all looked at Jack.

"Staring is rude ya know."

Hermione rolled her eyes, and Hayley just stared adoringly at her hubby.

"We need a plan to get the ring back," Michelle said, "Got any ideas?"

"Hmm..." Jack contemplated, "I got it!"

**Meanwhile...**

"JELL-O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Jenny cried, for she was in the Jell-O aisle. "And all of it is mine!!" Jenny was jumping for joy when she noticed some random woman picked up a pack of Jell-O.

"INFIDEL!!!!!!" Jenny screamed with rage, "Put the oh-so-sacred Jell-O down! NOW!"

The person, looking very confused, said, "But this isn't your Jell-O, there fore, I can buy if I want to."

"Then you must face the consequences..." Jenny winked a very scary wink and the lady was all of a suddenly adorned in a Nirvana shirt and jeans.

"Haha! Another minion to add to my collection!" Jenny said. She opened some Jell-O and ate it.

"Are you gonna pay for that?" one of the guys who worked there asked.

"NO! Never! You can't put a price on Jell-O!"

"Umm...ok. But you're still gonna have to pay for that or-" But Jenny snapped her fingers, and the dude turned into the...Yello Dello?

"COOL. I have my very own Yello Dello!"

"Uh...Jenny?" Katherine said.

"It's not Jenny anymore, remember?"

"Oh...uh...Mistress of all things Jell-O?"

"Yes?"

"Some people have volunteered to be part of S.O.N.F."

"Oh cool. Who are they?"

"I don't know..."Katherine said, "But thy look oddly familiar..." Katherine walked towards the back of the store. Jenny reluctantly left the Jell-O and followed.

There stood about 19 people, all wearing Nirvana shirts and jeans.

"Wow, they do look familiar. Especially that guy in dreadlocks. Anyways, I hear that you guys want to become official S.O.N.F. members."

"Yup!" said a little furry tiny dude, "We so TOTALLY love the Backstreet Boys. Oh and N'SYNC. Oh, and Mirvana, I guess."

"It's Nirvana. With an N." said the other little furry tiny dude.

"WHATEV."

"Uh...Okay." Jenny said, "Well, you guys can be a part of S.O.N.F. For we must take over the world like the voices in my head told me to!!"

"Mistress of all thing Jell-O?" Jen H. said, "I thought we weren't going to mention the voices in your head."

"Oh. Right. Forget I just said that."

"Forgetting!" They all said in unison. Except for the one little furry tiny dude, who sang it.

Anyways, Jenny walked up to this brunette girl making out with a blonde dude.

It reminded Jenny of Adrienne and Draco.

"HEY!" Jenny said, "NO PDA!"

"Dammit!" the blonde dude muttered.

"So," Katherine said, "I am the second in command, Katherine. Our nemesis on Mission Take Over the World and Other Stuff are these people." Katherine held up a big picture of Diana, Hayley, Adrienne, Legolas, Jack- I mean Captain Jack Sparrow, Aragorn, Gandalf, Merry, Pippin, Frodo, Sam, Gimli, Draco, Amanda, Michelle, Candi, Anne, Lydia, and Miriam.

"Wow. That's a lot of enemies." Said the tall blonde dude with pointy ears.

"Yeah. That's why we're trying to get more people on our side...hey you're REALLY hott..."

"Geez, you just noticed?" muttered another brunette girl with frizzy hair.

"I didn't ask YOU to speak!" Katherine spat. All over her face. "Sorry, braces."

"Horrible, aren't they?"

"THE WORST."

"Moving on..." Jenna said, "We have to take over the world so that I can have Leggy Boy-" Mr. Pointy Eared Hott Sexy Dude cringed, "-can be all MINE."

"HEY WO!" said Jen. H. "He's so totally going to be mine!"

"No way!!!" Hanna argued, "MINE." Then they all got into a catfight, which was quite interesting.

"Whoa..." L.F.T.D. stared, "Look at all the blood..."

"I don't see any blood." L.F.T.D. Number 2 said.

"Oh."

"Not again..." Jenny sighed, "GUYS! STOP! Remember what I said? When we take over the world I'll have some super smart scientist dude clone Legolas so you can each have your very own Legolas."

Mr. P.E.H.S.D. fainted.

And the Yello Dello made an elephant noise.

PLEASE REVIEW!!!! The only people who're reviewing are Hayley, Adrienne and Jenny. So review por favor!


	4. Jenny's Weakness

Disclaimer: I so TOTALLY do not own LOTR, HP or POTC.

A/N: YAY! Someone other than my friends reviewed! Gracias Silverflashpup! Oh, and Legolas is WAY better. And Jack Sparrow has dreadlocks.

* * *

Chapter Four: Jenny's Weakness

So Jack's plan had worked. Now all they had to do was figure out a way to stop Jenny Penny from taking over the world. And stop the former S.O.L.F.s from cloning Legolas. For there can only be one Legolas. And he is MINE.

"No he's not!"

Shut up Katherine.

"Yeah Katherine, he doesn't like blondes."

"Uh, Jen, he is blonde."

"Oh, what do you know, Jenna?"

GUYS, SHUT UP! I am trying to write a story here!

"Yeah, and besides, you guys can have Leggy, I think I'll have Jeremy Sumpter."

"WHAT? You'd rather have Jeremy than Leggy?"

"Um...yeah. He's closer to my age, so we wouldn't be breaking the law. Unlike someone I know..."

Stop giving me that look Hanna. You're just mad cause I nanced off into the distance with the hottest elf of them all. Besides, I age faster than him, so when I'm 27 we can so totally get married.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO! He's mine!"

"Back off Jen, he **will **be mine!"

Oh gah, this is getting annoying.

BACK TO THE STORY... 

"Okay, so what're we supposed to do now?" Amanda asked.

"Uh..."

"You mean there's no part two to your plan?"

"Not yet."

"Well, if we're not doing anything dashingly brave at the moment..." Adrienne then went back to making out with Draco.

"Since do we do stuff that is dashingly brave?"

"On a Monday, I am waiting...by Tuesday, I am fading, and by Wednesday, I can't sleep..." Frodo sang.

"ARRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHH!" Jenny Penny dropped her knees and covered her ears.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH....It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real...I like the way that feels...."

"MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!!!!" Jenny was now rolling around on the floor, and her leg was twitching.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...It's as if you know me better than I ever knew myself...I love how you can tell....all the pieces...pieces...pieces of me!"

Suddenly, a lightbulb appeared above Michelle's head.

"QUICK! Grab the Ring!"

Amanda did a fancy back flip and grabbed the Ring from Jenny. They all ran out the door, just as Jenny started to recover.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Come back here with my ring!!!!!"

"NO! It's mine...my preciousss!"

**Meanwhile....**

"WOOT WOOT!" Gimli shouted, "We got the ring!" Gimli did a jig.

"Stop it Gimli, you're rather frightening when you dance." Hermione said.

"Hey you guys," Frodo said, "You know what I just noticed?"

"What?"

"That song, Pieces of Me, has A LOT of different meanings."

"How so?" Ron asked, seeming very interested.

"Like the part where she says, 'I like the way that feels'-"

"We are SO not getting into that now." Diana interrupted, "I don't like Ashlee Simpson."

"WHAT?" said Frodo, in utter bewilderment. His mouth was hanging open. "She's awesome and mad hott!"

"Uh...no." Hayley said, "Anyway, we need to get these guys home so they can destroy the Ring."

"Right...How're we going to do that?"

"Oh, I know!"

* * *

Orlando sat across from a heavily bandaged Kate Bosworth. He had been to very many therapy sessions after the little...incident a couple of weeks ago.

"Hmmmr frmmmro mmmmgh!"

"I can't understand you Kate," Orlando said, "The bandages are muffling your voice."

"Hmmmmmrgh!!!!" Kate lifted a bandaged hand and pointed behind the hottest man of them all.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Orlando cried fell off his chair. "It's YOU!"

"Yup, it me!" Diana said. "We need to...HEY! What crap is **SHE** doing here?!!"

"Uh...she...I..."

Diana rolled up her sleeves and made an attempt to duff the she-devil up, but Aragorn and Legolas held her back. Diana struggled for a moment until she realized that she was in the arms of two of the hottest men in the Lord of the Rings.

"Yeah," Lydia said, "We need to use your portal to Middle Earth to get these guys home."

"Why did they come back in the first place?" 'Lando asked.

"Well, Jenny Penny-"

"The Jell-O lover?"

"Yeah, she took the Ring from Frodo, and almost took over the world. But we got the ring back from her, so now we have to go back and destroy it."

"Um...sure. I guess you guys already know where my room is."

"Thanks a bunch!" So they all hopped along. Literally. They hopped.

And Diana gave Kate the evil eye.

"Okay..." Hayley opened the underwear drawer. In it was the portal to Middle Earth.

"Are you sure this is it?" Anne asked.

"Well, DUH!" Diana sighed and smacked her forehead, "There's only a sign that says, 'PORTAL TO MIDDLE EARTH! RIGHT THIS WAY!'"

"What...?"Anne pondered for a minute, "OH."

"Blondes..."

"I HEARD THAT!"

They all jumped through the portal and landed on the hard marble ground in Minas Tirith.

"What the...whoa. We're in Gondor!" Hayley said, stating the obvious. It was then that they noticed the millions of orcs and uruks surrounding the city. But strangely, they didn't attack.

"Why aren't they attacking?" Candi asked.

"Cause we're still on Time-Out." Frodo answered.

"Oh."

"Okay," said Diana, "I think we should all split up..."

* * *

Woot woot! Fourth chappie done and over with! I would've updated sooner, but I got distracted by school and the grasshoppers.


	5. FREAKIN' IDIOT!

Disclaimer: I don't own the LOTR, POTC, HP, ND, or BC characters. Don't know what ND and BC stand for? Well, you will soon find out!

A/N: A little fact: The rock on sign that punk rockers use, where the pointer finger and the pinky are extended, is the practically equivalent of the middle finger to men in southern Italy. To them it means their wife is not honorable, or their wife is sleeping around. I learned that one in Speech Class!

* * *

Chapter Five: FREAKIN' IDIOT!

At Minas Tirith....

"Whoa." said Hayley, marveling at her battle armor, "I never thought I would actually go out into battle with a real sword."

"I never thought anyone in their right mind would trust you with a sword." Replied Pippin. Hayley gave him the "Your wife is sleeping around sign", formerly known as the "ROCK ON, BEOTCH!" sign.

"I so do NOT have a wife!" Pippin said. Suddenly, his new hi-tech cell phone with all the hook-ups rang. "Pip the Pimp at your service...No Diamond, I'll be home as soon as I can...Well, gee, I'm only trying to save the world here...wait a sec, are you sleeping around? Hello? HELLO?!" Pippin put his cell phone back in his pocket. "She hung up on me. ME. Of all people."

"Its ok Pip," Hayley comforted, "I'm sure she's not sleeping around...with any ugly guys."

"That just makes me feel so much better."

The pair of them stepped out onto the battlements, joining Gandalf, Jack, Miriam and a lot of Gondorian soldiers. Miriam and Candi looked nervous, and Jack looked drunk. Gandalf stepped up to the wall.

"Are you ready?" he asked. Pippin had his sword ready, and Jack had his cutlass and his pistol in his hands. Candi, Miriam, and Hayley unsheathed their...stun guns and stalker spray.

"Uh...where'd you get that?" Gandalf asked.

"We stocked up on it before we left." Miriam replied, "I don't really know how to use a sword."

"Oh geez..."

* * *

In the Paths of the Dead...

"This is the song that reminds me of my trucker hat that I used to wear not...to ...I'll stop now." Diana said/sang.

"THANK YOU!" Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas, Michelle, and Lydia replied in unison. Diana pouted. They entered a big room in the Paths of the Dead. All of a sudden, a freaky looking ghostly man appeared.

"Okay, we're going to try this again," Said the ghost man, "Who enters my domain?"

"One who will have your allegiance." Replied Aragorn soundly all manly and kingly-ish-esque.

"The dead do not suffer the living to pass."

"You will suffer me...er...us."

The ghost man started cackling evilly and a lot more ghost appeared and surrounded the group. Michelle clinged to Lydia in fear, and Lydia clinged to Diana, and Diana clinged to Legolas, of course.

"The way is shut," the dead man continued, "it was made by those who are dead, and the dead keep it...the way is shut..." The ghosts came closer and closer, tightening the circle. "...now you must die." Legolas raised his bow and prepared to fire, but Diana stopped him.

"Won't work, hun, you can't kill a ghost."

* * *

Back at Camp Rohan...

"...So then, after pilfering the carrots and lettuce and other various vegetables, Pip and I accidentally bumped into Frodo and Sam. So we basically followed them around...so that's how I ended up on this quest."

"Really?" Anne said thoughtfully, "That's interesting."

"Yeah." Merry looked around the camp. All the soldiers were pack up their things and putting out fires. "Oh! I guess it's time to get going. C'mon, I think Eowyn will have some extra armor for you."

"Good thing I brought my stun gun..."

* * *

back at...Wherever Sam and Frodo are...

Adrienne and Draco, our favorite couple, were walking along the rocks of Emyn Muil while holding hands. Sam and Frodo brought up the rear.

"Hey...Where's Gollum?" Adrienne asked.

"Uh...I don't know," Sam said, "We lost track of him after I kicked his butt on the side of Mt. Doom."

"Well," came a familiar voice from behind, "I guess you guys just found him again." Jenny penny stood on a rock ledge above them, with Gollum at her side.

"See Mr. Frodo!" Sam exclaimed, "I told you he was a villain!"

"Mwahahahahhahahahahahaha!" Jenny laughed and laughed; "Now you will give me the Ring!"

"Uh, I'm thinking no." Frodo retorted.

"How 'bout yes?" Jenny said.

"Nah, I don't think so."

"FINE. I didn't want to have to resort to this but...SIC 'EM, GOLLUM!" Gollum barked and jumped down from the ledge.

"FOR THE PRECIOUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed.

"RUN!" Sam shouted. And they ran like loons.

* * *

At Minas Tirith Again!

"TIME IIIIIIIINNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!" Gandlaf shouted. At once, the orcs continued their attack on the city. Arrows were flying every which way and the sound of crashing swords could be heard fro everywhere on the wall.

"What a rush!" Candi said, as she stunned an orc and sprayed him...or it with the stalker spray. Pippin ran up and stabbed the orc. "I am getting the hang of this!"

"Me too!" Miriam called. She stopped in mid stun and heard the orcs chanting something below.

"GROND! GROND! GROND!"

"What the crap? Hey Pip!"

"What?! I'm kinda busy at the moment!" He stabbed at the orc charging at him.

"Can I borrow you cell phone?"

"Sure!" he pulled the phone out of his pocket, "Catch!" Amazingly, Miriam caught it and dialed Diana's cell phone number.

"Hey Diana, we're kinda in the middle of a big battle and those creepy lookin' things are chanting 'Grond'. What does that mean?" Miriam's eyes widened, "Oh crap. Gotta go!" Miriam quickly hung up. "GANDALF!!"

"I KNOW!" the wizard replied, "TO THE GATES!!!!!"

* * *

On the Corsairs Ships...

"That was Miriam," Diana announced, "The orcs have unleashed Grond, The Hammer of the Underworld."

"Oh, s---." Aragorn said, "Now I'll NEVER become king!"

"Freakin' IDIOT!"

"SHUT UP!"

"OHMIGAH!!!!!" Michelle squeaked, (yes, she squeaks) "It's Napoleon Dynamite and John Bender from the Breakfast Club! (A/N: ND, BC, Get it?) YESS!"

"I heard you guys were going to attack the evil forces," Napoleon said, "I thought you might want some help, and I have some good skills."

"What kind of skills do you have?" Legolas asked.

"Nun-chuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills-"

"Who cares?" said Bender, "I'm just here to pick up some chicks."

"I'm a chick!" said Michelle, "PICK ME UP!!!!!!!!!"

"Whatever..." Bender picked Michelle up and Michelle blushed.

"I didn't mean actually physically pick me up, but this works..."

"BWHAHAHAHAHA!" They all turned around to see Katherine and Jenna standing at the bow of the ship, "THOU FOOLS!" Katherine cried, "Fork over the ring and no one will get hurt!"

"You couldn't hurt us if you tried." Gimli challenged.

"Hehe, I'll just have to try then..."

But Katherine's reflexes were too slow for Napoleon's. He pulled one of his awesome butt-kickin' judo moves and Katherine was knocked off the boat. Jenna jumped off.

"Hey Michelle," Napoleon said, "You should totally choose me over that guy because of my awesome skills and my sweet Judo Moves." Michelle looked at Napoleon, then at Bender.

"This is going to be a tough decision..."

"HEY GUYS!!!!" came an EXTREMELY annoying voice from behind, "YU-GI-OH ROCKS!!!" Michelle, Lydia and Diana especially looked at each other in horror.

"Oh no..." Diana slowly turned around, "ARRRGHH! IT'S RB3!!!!!!!!!!!!"

* * *

Why did John Bender from the Breakfast Club and Napoleon Dynamite just suddenly appear? (Well, Michelle asked me to add them in.) Since when did Pippin start calling himself 'Pip the Pimp'? And who the in the name of Lord Nelson's Pantaloons is RB3? I know who he is and he's not from Star Wars. (Sorry Hayley!) He's someone you DO NOT want to get to know.


	6. Surprise, Surprise!

* * *

Disclaimer: Anything familiar, I don't own. Anything unfamiliar I do own. 

A/N: Uh...this chappie is probably going to get REALLY random. And I'll explain the whole RB3 thing at the end of this chapter. So go on and read!

* * *

Chapter 6: Surprise, Surprise! 

In Minas Tirith Again...

"PIPPIN!" Gandalf called, "You're the guard of the freakin' citadel! GET UP THERE AND GUARD IT!" Pippin nodded and ran for the citadel. That's when Hayley realized one little predicament.

"OH MY GOD! FARAMIR!" Hayley looked around for Jack. She spotted him not to far away, battling an orc. "JACK! C'mon! We've got to save Faramir!!!"

"Uh, right luv!" Jack quickly finished off the orc and followed Hayley who was following Pippin. They reached the citadel-only to see a cavalcade carrying Faramir with Denethor leading them to the Silent Street.

"Hurry!" Hayley ran after them.

"What's going on?!" Pippin asked.

"Denethor's going to burn Faramir alive if we don't stop him!"

"Oh crap, that's not good!"

* * *

Riding with the Riders of Rohan.... 

"So Eo-I mean, Dernhelm," said Anne, "Are we like, going to die or something?"

"It's possible." Derhlem replied.

"Oh...well..." Anne gulped, "I WANNA GO HOME!" she screamed.

"Shhhh!" Merry said, "You're going to give us away!"

"Sorry, I'm just a little nervous." The horses slowed down to a stop, and the scene before them was horrendous. Tens of thousands of orcs were attacking the city, and smoke was emanating from the houses. Screams of terror and pain could be heard. The sun was rising, and the horn of Rohan was sounded.

Théoden surveyed the scene with dismay. "Èomer! Take your éored down the left flank! Gamling, follow the King's banner down the center! Grimbold, take your company left after you pass the wall! FORTH! And fear no darkness!" The King turned back to his Rohirrim behind him.

"I would give you some inspiring speech about the sun rising, and spear being shaken and stuff like that, but I am to drunk to thin right now!"

Dernhelm rolled her-his-it's eyes. "Whatever happens, stay with me." Merry and Anne nodded in reply.

"DEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAATHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Théoden shouted.

"DEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAATHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" the Rohirrim replied, getting anxious.

Anne looked around at them all, and raised her stun gun.

"LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"

* * *

On the Corsairs Ships... 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Diana tried to hide from Robbie Bishop the Third (Hence the nick-name, RB3), but he just followed her everywhere. "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Guess what? I so totally love Yu-Gi-OH! And Power Rangers! And Pokemon! GO GO POWER RANGERS!"

"How the crap did you get here?!" Lydia asked, kind of scared and mostly annoyed, for Robbie is the most annoying kid on the face of this planet.

"I dunno." RB3 replied, "I went to sleep and woke up here. This is SO awesome!"

"No, quite frankly, it is the opposite of awesome," said Bender.

"You tell 'em hott stuff!" said Michelle. Bender winked at her, and she swooned. Like a loon. That kinda rhymes!

Robbie walked up to Bender, and accidentally stepped on Napoleon's foot.

"OW! IDIOT!" Napoleon hit Robbie upside the head, and Robbie pulled out a...pokeball. Yes, he seriously pulled out a pokeball.

"I choose you, Pickachu!" Robbie threw the ball on the ground, but nothing happened.

"That is like SO first grade." Lydia said, "Why can't you just grow up?"

"NEVER!" RB3 hissed.

"Loser." Diana muttered.

"Hey Diana, I have to tell you something."

"What is it now, Oh So Annoying One?"

"You have a cute butt!" Everyone went silent, except for Diana, who screamed at the top of her lungs. She ran and hid behind Legolas, who snapped out of his trance and angrily walked over to Robbie.

"Don't hit on her, FAG." Legolas said. (A/N: That's my man!)

"I hope you die a slow and painful death!" Robbie spat at Legolas, which really got Diana TO'd.

"AAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHH!" Diana, using her rush of adrenaline, threw Robbie off the boat. They all watched as the evil, wicked, annoying RB3 was taken away by Octopuses on Crack.

"Sweet." Napoleon said.

"You do not know how long and how much I wanted to do that." Diana said.

* * *

Back To Mr. And Mrs. Malfoy....and Frodo and Sam.... 

"Did we lose him??" Draco asked. Gollum was nowhere in sight, but he was one of those people-or creatures- who liked to pop-up out of nowhere.

Just pop-up...

...out of nowhere...

It's been a while since I did that.

"I don't know." Adrienne replied, "But let's take a little break. I need a breather." The four of them sat down on the ledge to rest. Adrienne looked over her shoulder, and saw the entrance to a scary looking cave. "Hey guys, let's go in that cave!" Adrienne said, completely forgetting the Return of the King movie plot due to Draco's severe hottness.

"Why not?" So they walked inside the creepy cave. They were cobwebs everywhere, and it smelled like my brother's room. And that's SMELLY. They were walking along for quite some time when they heard something move behind them.

"What was that?" Frodo asked, in a very high pitched voice. HE suddenly was going through puberty. Or pooburtey as some call it.

"I don't know," Adrienne said. "But It's definitely NOT some huge man-eating spider named Shelob."

"Uh...riiiggghhht..." Draco started to back away slowly, "Then what the crap is THAT?!" he pointed behind them, and there, lo and behold, was a huge man-eating spider named Shelob.

"Oh gah." Adrienne smacked her forehead, "We're doomed."

* * *

At the Silent Street... 

Hayley, Jack and pippin quietly followed the guys into the Silent Street. Denethor was acting like a loon, and Faramir was unconscious, and Jack was drunk. But what could you expect of him? I mean, he IS a pirate, after all.

"Why is he doing this??" Pippin asked.

"Because he thinks Faramir is dead so he thinks his family has died out so he;s going to kill himself and Faramir if we don't do something!"

"Freakin' insane loon...can't he tell Faramir's alive?!" They looked over at Faramir who was laid down upon the pyre.

"I'M ALIVE YOU IDIOTS!" Faramir cried, "I aint dead!!!" (A/N: YES! I made Faramir a redneck! And that's not the only surprise in this chapter...mwahahhahaha!)

"Pippin, go find Gandalf, NOW!" she ordered. Pippin ran off back to the battle.

"So... what're we going to do?"

"I have not a clue..."

Back at Hogwarts, cause I know y'all have been wonder about Ron Hermione and Boy w/ scar...

* * *

"Hmmm..." Hermione scanned over the page, but found nothing. She had been re-reading every book in the library, but she found nothing. Jenny Penny was becoming invincible, and Frodo, of all people, had the One Ring. Hermione had remembered reading something about this ordeal in a book she read. But, Hermione has read a lot of books in her day, so...yeah. You can pretty much understand the predicament. Hermione ran up to the boy's dorms. Yeah, she pretty much does that on a daily basis.

"Ron, have you-OH MY GOODNESS!" Hermione opend the door, to find Ron hanging up posters of...MALFOY. There were hundreds of them too. EVERYWHERE. Ron stood there in shock. His face was white, and the poster he had been in the midst of hanging up, fell off the wall.

"I CAN EXPLAIN!" Ron said, "I...uh..."

And then, something more disturbing happened...

Harry walked into the room, adorned in baggy pants and a baggy shirt. His boxers were showing, and he had a lighting bolt pendant around his neck. Harry turned Ghetto. WHAT HAS THIS FREAKIN' WORLD COME TO?!

"Sup, foo'?" Harry said, "For shizzle ma nizz-WHOA, FOO'!!!" Harry had noticed the posters around Ron's bed. "Not coo' man. Not freakin' coo'."

* * *

Okay, the whole RB3 thing: Robbie Bishop the Third is actually a living, breathing really annoying person. And he really does flirt with me and he really did say I have a cute butt. The only reason I put him in the story was so I could get rid of him. Bwahahahahahahahahaha! And I don't know where the octopuses on crack came from. So don't ask. And Jenny Penny or Adrienne told me to make Ron Gay. So I did. 

Yeah. You know I'm awesome.


End file.
